Facing Fears, and leaving behind past feelings

     A few days ago, I sent a message to an old friend who had hurt me pretty bad. I told them about how I was effected by what they did, and that even though we couldn't be friends anymore, I forgave them. I told them how amazing they were and that God had such great plans for them in their life. I
was not rude, nor mean in the conversation, but I told them honestly, and sincerely that I was sure that God had many great plans for them and that I knew that they were going to do amazing things.

      For the first time in my life, I didn't run away from something that I was afraid of, and for the first time I felt like I had actually let something go and I didn't have to hold onto it anymore. It was such a great feeling!! There was this deep deep feeling of relief. I was terrified about how the conversation would go, but I faced it and I praise God that it went well and now I can let go of the hurt and bitterness.

     Slowly, and thoroughly I want to get rid of all the bad feelings that I harbor towards people that have hurt me in my past, and tell them personally that I forgive them. I want to seek closure for all the wounds that I have kept open for so many years. I want to no longer be a runner, but to be able to trust people and love without fear of hurt or damage.

And with joy in my heart I will, as a good friend says, dance in the rain like I have never been wet before.

Would you like to join me?? Would you like to look the bitterness that you carry in the face and say 'You are no longer welcome in my heart.' If you allow Him to, God can replace that bitterness with a joy that will overwhelm everything else.

Black hole. o.O

     A few weeks ago I received some words of wisdom from one of my favorite "Seers." He told me that he saw my  family getting sucked into a black hole. Now, at first I was completely surprised by the fact that he could say this with a smile on his face. A black hole? Why are you smiling about a black hole?! Then, he explained to me exactly what a black hole does.

     A black hole will tear things apart. Pull everything completely away. Doesn't sound very pleasant at all! But the great part about this is that it smashes it all back together, and in the middle of the mess it creates something beautiful, and something new.

     Now, it's been a few weeks and I realize that this is exactly what has been happening! I am learning more and more how to appreciate every single person in my family. They are amazing! No matter what my previous judgements were, they are incredible individuals, and I love them.

     My family has been coming together in their time of need, and it is truly awe inspiring. While things look like they might be falling apart, together we look the enemy in the eye and tell him, "You have no control in our family. God is still on the throne and is going to take care of us."

     And as we approach this holiday season, I have so much to be grateful for. Even if things aren't exactly what they used to be and even though there are people in our family that won't be able to join us this Christmas, we still have reasons to celebrate what we do have.

     I look around at things in my life that I used to think were ugly or broken or incomplete, and I realize that the only thing that was ugly, broken, or incomplete was my perspective on what perfection was.

     Perfection is standing in a room full of people that love me and would do anything for me if I needed them to. A room full of people that look at me with love, without judgement. We don't even need to be doing anything special, sitting on the couch watching a movie today was perfection.

     So, if it looks like you are facing nothing but darkness. Embrace it. If it pulls you apart, it is only going to push you back together to form something much more beautiful and worthwhile. Life is full of black holes, and if you look at the new beauty with an open heart, you will be surprised about how amazing life can become, even from the biggest of messes.